It’s quite frustrating that I am willing to go halfsies on everything. I mean, literally, everything. Actually, I’m willing to give more than even that and certainly more than I am required to do because I have a vested interest in her being successful. I look at it this way: if she’s doing well then my kids will be doing well.
We have also been friends with each other for most of our lives so until or unless she really pushes it I only want good things for her. Not that I anticipate wanting bad things for her but if she continues to push and be mean and nasty for the sake of being mean and nasty it’s inevitable that I’ll eventually stop caring what happens to her on a personal level. The opposite of love isn’t hatred, it’s apathy. Unfortunately I don’t think she can help herself.
The problem is that she’s starting to push it. As I said, from a divorce standpoint the easy thing is the “stuff.” What we have vs. what we owe. I’m not too worried about that since I started with nothing and can do it again. Not what I want to but I’m not afraid of work.
The hard part is how the parenting time (i.e. custody,) gets broken down. The two Cavekids still at the house are both teenagers so it’s not like we’re looking at a ton of time for them in the house before they are off to College.
Yet, the X seems to think that they should live with her exclusively and that I can see them….well, she refused to actually give an example of when I can see them other than at their activities. So, maybe for a few minutes to an couple hours a week after games or something?
Uhm….no. That’s not how it works.
It’s taken a long time for me to begin to see her for what she really was. Along with this is the realization that not all of the ways I’m damaged because of her are clear to me yet. There are no victims here.
Granted, not all of the ways I’m damaged irregardless of her are completely clear to me either but I’m a work in progress. Candidly, not all of the ways that she is damaged are clear to me as well. I suppose that’s her burden to bear though.
What I have noticed over the past little while is that she has some sort of wierd Emotional Oedipus/Attachment Disorder thing going on with our kids. I’ve tried to do a bit of research to identify it but I’m not having a ton of luck. However, there’s definitely something there. I don’t know what it is or what to call it but there’s a problem. She obviously can’t see it and wouldn’t listen to me even if I could articulate it but it’s there.
My point here isn’t to bash her. It’s to express my frustration at how this is going to play out. (This is one of the things she “can’t stand,” about me is that I make “presumptions,” on how things will play out. I don’t think I’m making presumptions I just think I’m taking the information available and wargaming the situation out until its logical conclusion. She may hate it but damned if I’m not right more than I’m wrong.)
In the long run, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I was the best Dad I could possibly be. That I thought long and hard about what was the best thing to do for my kids and when I made my determination I fought for it. I fought for them. Regardless of the financial cost to me. Even if she hates my guts for what I did (it’s likely she will,) I can’t control her emotions or thoughts. Never could. Besides, I firmly and deeply believe that she has unresolved and undiagnosed emotional issues that make her incapable of seeing or identifying the ways her behavior was damaging to all of us.
I don’t think she did it on purpose. I think she just couldn’t help herself.
Well, I can’t help her either. Nor do I really care enough to try. That doesn’t bode well.
My preferred pronouns are: Dad and Divorced Caveman 